This is the transcript from the first episode of my German dating podcast “Date Like a GentleNerd” that I’m hosting with my dear friend and fellow dating coach Lorenz Breier.

The podcast will get translated into English soon. Please find the English transcript of the first episode down below. At first a summary of the main points, then the whole episode. Enjoy 🙂

Key Topics Covered

The Gentlenerd Paradox

• Why smart, accomplished men often find themselves friendzoned despite having so much to offer
• The paralysis of perfectionism and overthinking when approaching women
• How being a “good catch” on paper doesn’t automatically translate to dating success

Why the “Asshole” Gets the Girl (And What He’s Actually Doing Right)

• The real reason confidence beats niceness—and it’s not what you think
• The crucial difference between wanting a woman and needing a woman
• Why “thriving energy” is the most attractive quality you can develop

The Nice Guy Trap

• Why doing everything for a woman actually makes you less attractive
• The hidden agenda problem: covert contracts and unconscious manipulation
• How uncertainty and lack of authenticity create the opposite of attraction

Living Authentically vs. Following Dating “Rules”

• Why mechanical techniques like “wait two days to text back” usually backfire
• The importance of building a life you genuinely love—independent of dating success
• How natural scarcity beats artificial games every single time

Your First Steps

• Practical exercises to identify your goals and values in dating
• How to tap into your “thriving energy” starting today
• Why the next seven days should be about living, not learning more dating theory

The Bottom Line

Success with women isn’t about tricks, techniques, or becoming someone you’re not. It’s about building a life so fulfilling that you radiate confidence and authenticity—making you naturally attractive without trying to be.

Date Like a Gentlenerd – Episode 1

Welcome

Lorenz Breier: Welcome to the first podcast episode of Date Like a Gentlenerd! The podcast to help you become truly successful with women. But not just any way—we do this whole thing with honesty, authenticity, and a dash of spirituality.

My name is Lorenz Breier, and I’m pleased to welcome my co-host Andreas Kruisz. Hello, my friend!

Andreas Kruisz: Hello everyone!

Lorenz Breier: Andreas, for everyone who just tuned in spontaneously—who should be listening to this today?

Andreas Kruisz: You already mentioned it in the intro. I’m happy to be here. This is the podcast I wish I’d had back when I was diving into dating. This is for everyone who has the feeling that something is holding them back, especially something in their head holding them back—these thoughts, these fears, these belief systems that have accumulated. You’re standing in front of an attractive woman you’d really love to approach, and somehow the environment is right, the sun is shining, you actually feel good in your body, but no, you still can’t do it and you go home and kick yourself because you didn’t do it again.

For all those people out there like that… And yes, if you actually have a good job, if you have friends, if generally in life you think “I’m a good catch,” but it still just doesn’t work out with women—this podcast is perfect for those people.

Lorenz Breier: Beautifully summarized! So the podcast is called Date Like a Gentlenerd—what’s with the “nerd” part?

Andreas Kruisz: Nerd. You typically think of an IT guy with glasses programming something on a laptop or whatever. In reality, I believe it has many, many facets that you can’t all fit into one box.

For example, during my school years especially, I constantly felt like a nerd because I was a straight-A student. I loved learning—it was just fun for me. I was loved by the teachers, but social dynamics, making friends, and especially approaching girls just didn’t work out.

I was simply too shy. I didn’t dare to talk much with my classmates, with the cool kids. I played Yu-Gi-Oh! with my nerd friends, philosophized about Nintendo games, and so on. That made me a nerd in my eyes and in the eyes of many others. But I also loved making music and writing songs, especially rap songs.

I became the rapper. I was the rapper at my school back then, standing on stage, performing my rap songs in front of hundreds of people, sometimes even over a thousand. And that’s not nerd behavior. But, you know, these two facets and many, many facets we have—on one hand they make us nerds, especially when it comes to dating. Maybe we just don’t dare, and all our friends already have girlfriends, have already kissed someone and so on. And we think, “Why doesn’t it just work for us?” Meanwhile, we have so many great successes and abilities in other areas.

And that’s this paradox that we want to address and overcome in this podcast. What’s your inner nerd, Lorenz?

Lorenz Breier: Yeah, I can totally relate to what you’re saying. On one hand, you think, “Okay, I have friends, I do sports, I also have cool people in my life,” and whenever it came to approaching women, to saying, “Hey, I like you,” I got friendzoned.

It was like, “Lorenz, you’re a really nice guy.”

Andreas Kruisz: Hmm.

Lorenz Breier: And that really hurts, especially as a man, to not be perceived as a complete man. You think, “I have so much love to give, and I want to build something here. Why doesn’t anyone see that?”

My inner nerd, I’d say, also goes very much in the direction you described—I love learning, I love diving deep into a topic and immersing myself completely, absorbing all the information. And taking a very detail-oriented approach to the whole thing. I think that was especially something that paralyzed me when I started with this flirting and dating stuff, because I approached it thinking it has to be perfect and I want to approach her the right way. A simple “Hi, hello, how are you?”—that’s way too uncreative to talk to a woman.

Those were also my issues. And then of course, I needed alcohol to finally dare to approach a woman. And then because of the alcohol, it often didn’t go well or went badly, so I got rejected. And then it was really like a vicious cycle I was trapped in.

Andreas Kruisz: Yeah, the alcohol thing is quite interesting. It seems like the magic potion—then suddenly you can talk to any woman. But in reality, it made me even more shy. I was really a hot mess when it came to talking to people because I didn’t really have control over myself, and then nothing sensible came out of me at all.

Lorenz Breier: Maybe just briefly for everyone who tuned in—who are we anyway? We are, or were, nerds. I think we still are. And accordingly, we’ve now become nerds in the area of dating and flirting. We’ve solved these issues for ourselves and are now dating coaches.

And this is now a collaboration where we want to give you at home simple, easily digestible treats—nourishment, brain food so you have inspiration and maybe get motivated to do one thing or another yourself. In this podcast, you’ll also get very practical tips that you can implement at home today if you want to.

Otherwise, you can just keep playing PS4.

Andreas Kruisz: Or Switch, actually.

Lorenz Breier: Switch, exactly. Do you have anything to add, Andreas?

Andreas Kruisz: Well, I think that’s exactly what it’s about. There are so many different things you can do, and this combination of theoretical input—because you’re a nerd and you need that mental component, right? Something has to click in your head. Then it’s about implementation, about actually doing it. And then the third factor is this mental aspect, or even spiritual aspect, which also interests us a lot. These are the three main pillars we want to address.

Lorenz Breier: Exactly. And when we talk about the mental aspect—what does that mean? Let’s start maybe with a question that probably many people ask themselves: Why does it work for the asshole but not for me, the nice guy?

Why the “Asshole” Seems to Win

Andreas Kruisz: That’s the million-dollar question. This has driven me crazy so many times, and it still drives so many men crazy because they can’t quite grasp it. You actually hear quite often when you go on a first date, for example, “Oh, my ex was such an asshole,” and so on. And you think to yourself, “Okay, but you were still with him.” That’s actually the question.

And the more you listen to people about what their exes did, you think, “Wow, I would never do that. I’m much better. Why doesn’t it work out for me?” But I think we need to go deeper to understand this. On the surface, we see: the asshole gets the girl. But why? It’s not because he’s an asshole. If you now think, “Okay, I’m going to be an asshole from now on,” that’s completely the wrong approach.

Lorenz Breier: Exactly.

Andreas Kruisz: The reason is something else entirely, and I’d like to go a bit deeper there. I think the core, the most important thing in dating is—and then when you’ve reached a certain level and it’s about seduction and sex appeal, other factors come into play—but at the beginning, the most important thing is: Do you have a life that you love, even without a woman in your life?

Do you thrive? Are you in this thriving energy where you think, “Wow, I’m doing things that really interest me, that I’m really passionate about. I’m developing myself. I’m surrounding myself with people who also develop me, who lift me up”? This whole lifestyle—and women can feel that immediately. They can sense whether you already have this life or whether you desperately need her to finally make your life complete.

And that’s the decisive difference. Most assholes or bad boys have this thriving energy because they do their own thing. They don’t give a damn what other people think. They go their own way, polarize, and have this self-confidence. And women sense that immediately: “Okay, this guy has his life under control. He doesn’t need me. He wants me, but he doesn’t need me.” And that’s incredibly attractive.

The nice guy, on the other hand—and I was that nice guy for a long time—makes his whole life revolve around the woman. “What does she want? How can I please her? What can I do for her?” And that radiates neediness. And neediness is the opposite of attractiveness.

Lorenz Breier: That’s really the key point. So it’s not about being an asshole, but about having your own life, your own passion, your own drive. And I think that’s also where this often misunderstood term “bad boy” comes from. It’s not about being mean or treating women badly, but about having this certain self-confidence and independence.

Andreas Kruisz: Exactly. And that’s why we also say “Date Like a Gentlenerd.” Because you can have all these attractive qualities—this self-confidence, this independence, this thriving energy—without having to be an asshole. You can be a gentleman and still be attractive. It’s not mutually exclusive.

The Nice Guy Problem

Lorenz Breier: Let’s dive a bit deeper into the nice guy problem. What exactly is the issue there?

Andreas Kruisz: The nice guy problem is that nice guys often have a hidden agenda. They do nice things, but not because they genuinely want to—they do them because they expect something in return. It’s a covert contract. “I’ll be nice to her, I’ll do everything for her, and then she’ll have to like me.” But that’s manipulation, even if it’s unconscious.

A true gentleman, on the other hand, does nice things because he wants to, without expecting anything in return. He has clear boundaries and can also say no. He doesn’t try to please everyone. And that’s the crucial difference.

Lorenz Breier: And I think what’s also important here is this topic of authenticity. Because as a nice guy, you’re often not authentic. You’re not showing who you really are. You’re playing a role that you think women want to see.

Andreas Kruisz: Exactly! And women sense that. They feel that something doesn’t add up. There’s an incongruence between what you say and what you radiate. And that creates this uncertainty in women. They can’t assess you properly.

This is, in a way, what makes the arrogant macho more attractive than the nice guy. Because what is behind this façade? What women don’t recognize and what scares them—because they’re simply not as strong as a man, and they need to be able to trust a man to let themselves go. Otherwise, they’re in danger.

And an arrogant macho shows himself exactly as he is. If he doesn’t give off psychopath vibes, then she can be sure that he is the way he presents himself. And then she can either say yes or no, but she can somehow assess him.

You can’t assess a nice guy. Why does he do everything for me? What is he scheming? What is he really like at his core? A woman has no idea. And that’s why they also have a hard time generating attraction there. Because security generates attraction. And insecurity and being confused about “what does he actually want from me?”—that’s exactly the opposite.

Lorenz Breier: And there, every woman naturally says at the club, “Well, if I’m already drunk and now want an adventure, then I’ll obviously take the asshole or this badass, this bad guy, because there at least I know what I’m getting.” It’s a bit like fast food, right?

I know I might feel bad afterward, maybe good during. But at the end of the day, I know it’s unhealthy for me. But I know that’s what I’m getting, and I’m getting it for sure.

Andreas Kruisz: Exactly. Just like Taylor Swift sings, “I knew you were trouble.” That means they get involved with this trouble. But with nice guys, they don’t know what they’re getting. And they don’t need a mystery box in that case.

Creating Tension vs. Creating Security

Lorenz Breier: Yeah, now a very interesting question on the topic of tension. There’s this advice in the dating world like, “Don’t text back immediately, build tension.” That’s actually totally contradictory to what you just said about giving her security. Or rather, it would actually be fostering insecurity. Or put differently, many also say don’t give too much security in the sense that she’s sure of you. And I think that’s the difference—that she already has you 100%. How do you see that?

Andreas Kruisz: Well, that’s… I think all that misses the core point, because there we come back to the foundation: that you’re living a life you love yourself, even without a woman in your life. Because then—it’s funny—”don’t text her back.” What do these dating coaches actually want to say with that? Don’t text her back, take a day, two days.

They just want you to give her the feeling, “Ah, you have a life outside of her.” But if you have a real life, then it happens automatically that you can’t text back every 20 minutes, because you’re living a cool life. Then it happens automatically. Why make such a big deal about not texting back for a day when you’re just living your life?

“Ah yeah, cool, she texted me again.” Okay, after working out or after meeting up with the friend I haven’t seen in a long time, yeah, then I’ll text back, because right now it’s a bit too stressful for me.

That’s it. That’s what creates this feeling in her: “Ah, okay, he hasn’t written for a few hours now. Did I maybe upset him somehow?” Then she reads through her messages and so on, and you let her simmer a bit. But not this artificial simmering that you heard somewhere and now you’re trying it out, but simply because you didn’t have time beforehand.

But equally, it’s fine when you do have time and you love texting her and she loves texting you. When you notice you’re totally in flow, then it’s cool when you’re constantly sending messages back and forth, boom boom boom boom.

Simply, in that moment, it just fits. This dynamic is what’s decisive, not what you heard somewhere that will totally convince women of you. Most of the time, it does exactly the opposite.

Andreas’s Breakthrough Moment

Lorenz Breier: What was a fascinating moment or experience for you where you say, “That really motivated me to keep going, and that’s when I realized, ‘Wow, floodgates are opening now'”?

Andreas Kruisz: In dating, that I wanted to keep learning or stay on the topic, you mean? Well, I think it was when I first managed to approach a woman, really overcame myself and said hello. I think that set so much in motion for me. I realized, “Wow, I can do it.”

It felt impossible for me before—I could become president before I’d ever approach a woman. But when I managed to do it, I was just full of self-confidence. It was incredible what that did. And I remember I got rejected the very first time I approached someone.

But still, this pain didn’t hurt so much because I thought to myself, “Yeah, I can try again and again and so on.” And when I later realized—and this is a topic for another episode—coupling this with flirt signals, approaching when I’m getting flirt signals from her…

That means where I don’t have to fear rejection at all anymore, because I know she’s into me—then I was completely blown away. I thought to myself, “Wow, I’ve discovered the secret of life.”

Action Steps for Listeners

Lorenz Breier: Good, so I’d say, with a look at the time, let’s summarize what someone can do now who says, “I’m motivated now, I want to do this.” You can take a large sheet of paper or the digital note-taking tool of your choice—you can do this at home—and simply answer these questions. Take a quiet moment for this, where you say, “Okay, I’ll grab a coffee or a drink of your choice, sit down.”

And then just write down: What is your goal? Where do you want to go with women? What does success with women mean to you? And what would be the first step you could take? And of course, what are activities where you thrive, where you experience this thriving energy? When you simply feel it, where you notice you feel comfortable, you feel good, you’re inspired perhaps. Those are things you can do at home now.

Andreas Kruisz: Yeah, basically commit to not listening to any dating podcasts for the next seven days. Until our next episode comes out or whatever. To get away from dating, from this “I have to find a woman now, only then will my life be beautiful again,” but instead do exactly what can actually make your life beautiful right now—you’re just maybe not doing it.

Namely, feeling this thriving energy, being in these places where you like to spend time, meeting friends and so on, simply enjoying life. That’s the first and most important point you can do in the coming days.

Closing

Lorenz Breier: Dear Andreas, it was a great honor to chat with you today. I’m already looking forward to our next episode. And it was really beautiful how it flowed today. I really thank you for your time and also just for being together. Thanks, man. I’m glad you exist.

Andreas Kruisz: Thank you, Lorenz. I can only return that sentiment. We just vibe so well, and it simply gives me joy to talk about this. So thank you for your time too. Thank you all for listening. And yes, until next time.

Lorenz Breier: Until next time. Bye, all the best!

Andreas Kruisz: Ciao!